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Endometriosis: My Depression Diagnosis

As ridiculous as this sounds, I've been too embarrassed to just come out and say that I've been depressed.. I'm still depressed.. I have depression.

Ok, so here it goes. 12th August my Dr prescribed me antidepressants. I have been on them 6 weeks now. Before I went to the doctors about how I was feeling, things had become pretty bad. I was crying every single day, in pain every single day, fed up of taking medication every single day. It got to a stage where I couldn't see the point in my life anymore. I honestly couldn't see the reason for being here. I was never at a point where I would have acted on my thoughts, but the thoughts enough terrified me. I know it sounds awful and other people are in much worse situations than me, but endometriosis and years of chronic pain have worn me down. I saw a television presenter on morning TV talking about depression & what he had gone through. It felt like he was screaming through the TV directly to me! I couldn't get it out of my head.

On the Sunday night, the 11th August, I could feel things building up. Around 11pm I started having shooting pains in my stomach and couldn't bear another night of pain. I knew it would just keep escalating. My heart started racing, I was crying and shaking uncontrollably. It was so hard to breathe. My head felt like it was going to blow. Even just moving my head hurt. I managed to call my mother who came straight downstairs. That was my first ever panic attack. It frightened the life out of me. I knew right then I had to do something and agreed to go see my doctor the next day.

I was prescribed Fluoxetine. I'm not crying everyday now which is a big improvement. But I don't yet feel myself. I don't feel like me. Some days I feel like there's too many hours in the day. I just want it to hurry up and be over so I can go to bed. At times I feel that it shouldn't have come to this - being 26 years old and on antidepressants. Its not normal, I should be able to cope. But then I remember, having daily chronic pain isn't normal either.

I've posted this today because I want to show others that there should be no stigma or embarrassment about having depression. I wont lie, it's taken me quite a few attempts to write this. But I have. And now it's out there. Don't feel weak if you're feeling the same. Sometimes we just need a little bit of help to get back on track. Ask for help. Thanks for reading...x


#MyEndoDiary

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  1. Anonymous24 September 2013 at 03:54

    I went through something similar this past winter. I have a history of severe depression, though had prided myself the past 8 years with being able to pull myself out of it, and actually have remission. Endo, Adeno, and all the crazy hormone changes from the drugs really chipped it all away. From the pain and sickness it started to reach a point where I didn't see a future. When I started Lupron I started Lexapro at the same time, and it really helped me from bottoming out. Anti-depressants can take a few months to really feel the benefits. Hope you start feeling better mental and physically!

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    Replies
    1. My Endo Diary24 September 2013 at 11:40

      Thank you. Helps to know if I keep on at it, it'll get better. Sorry to hear you've been through a similar thing but good to know there's hope. Thanks a lot!

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