Tuesday, 30 July 2013

Things can only get better?

So, two days into this week and I honestly cant imagine what else is going to happen. Sunday night ovary pains started to come on. All around my left ovary. Stabbing, cramping. Monday morning the pains were still present in the exactly the same place. Next I had a funny turn. Felt so sick, dizzy and became really sweaty. That passed within 10 - 15 minutes. Later on in the afternoon, the sickness came back. I was out at the time and had a 20 minute drive home. I really thought my mother would have to pull up on the side of the road for me to be sick. Luckily I got home - just in time! I absolutely hate being sick, it makes me feel so unwell & scared. Nausea didn't pass for the rest of the day, neither did the ovary pains. Day 1 of this week done.

Day 2 today. Woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a bus. Ovary pains were now going from my left ovary to the right and back again. Got washed and went downstairs to make a hot water bottle. Really wasnt feeling well or quite with it. Boiled the kettle, picked it straight up and went to pour it into my hot water bottle but instead tipped it all over my hand. You know that bit of skin between your thumb and 1st finger... yep, scolded right there, down my hand and onto my little finger. Absolutely killed!! Held my hand under cold water at once. And again multiple times throughout the day. Still hurting now and been feeling like its on fire. Luckily no blisters have formed though, cold water seems to have done the trick. After that, nausea came back. Felt so so tired, tried to have a little nap to sleep through it but just as I was dropping off to sleep, endo stabs in my stomach woke me up. Endo pains are really getting to me now, brain seems to have gone to mush & the simplest of tasks is proving hard to do.

Day 3 of the week tomorrow...

'Things can only get better' hey?! Surely they can't get any worse! How's the start of everyone else's week? Much better I hope!


Friday, 19 July 2013

Endometriosis: Is It Winning?

These last few weeks have been some of the hardest ever. Endo is definitely controlling me. My whole life feels like its just stopping.

Physically, the pain has been exhausting. I have spent so many days in bed not being able to get up due to the pain. Stabbing pains, severe cramping, backache. I've been feeling so nauseous & getting headaches. Sleeping at night is just a no go area. Doesn't happen. I find myself going to bed tired but laying there most of the night unable to sleep, mostly due to pain, sometimes I just cant drop off. I've been trying to get naps in the afternoon/early evening just to try help me get through the days. Endless  hot water bottles, tablets and medications. Tramadol, Paracetamols & Cocodamols included.

Emotionally is where I'm struggling the most though... I've never felt so low. I feel totally on my own and very lonely. I seem to be crying a lot. Some days I cant even stop myself and have tears in my eyes all day. I'm so frustrated that this is my life at the moment. 26 years old and instead of being out enjoying myself I feel stuck in a vicious circle of pain, doctors, hospitals, operations, treatment and back to pain. I know I won't be the only one in this situation at the moment, there would have been many endosisters feeling like this before and more to come. But its just not resonating with me at the moment. Twitter and endosisters always help to see you are not alone with this, that others can relate to how you're feeling. Yet right now, I still feel totally alone. Cant seem to kick it.
I've found this quite easy to write once I got started. But found it a lot harder to press the 'publish' button. Firstly, it's quite in depth to share - all my true feelings spilled out on a page. Secondly, I didn't want to post such a depressing post when I try my best to help and support others. But I guess those with endo will understand its not all good days & positivity. This is My Endo Diary after all and I've always been honest. Sometimes it just feels like endo is winning.