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Endometriosis: Is It Winning?

These last few weeks have been some of the hardest ever. Endo is definitely controlling me. My whole life feels like its just stopping.

Physically, the pain has been exhausting. I have spent so many days in bed not being able to get up due to the pain. Stabbing pains, severe cramping, backache. I've been feeling so nauseous & getting headaches. Sleeping at night is just a no go area. Doesn't happen. I find myself going to bed tired but laying there most of the night unable to sleep, mostly due to pain, sometimes I just cant drop off. I've been trying to get naps in the afternoon/early evening just to try help me get through the days. Endless  hot water bottles, tablets and medications. Tramadol, Paracetamols & Cocodamols included.

Emotionally is where I'm struggling the most though... I've never felt so low. I feel totally on my own and very lonely. I seem to be crying a lot. Some days I cant even stop myself and have tears in my eyes all day. I'm so frustrated that this is my life at the moment. 26 years old and instead of being out enjoying myself I feel stuck in a vicious circle of pain, doctors, hospitals, operations, treatment and back to pain. I know I won't be the only one in this situation at the moment, there would have been many endosisters feeling like this before and more to come. But its just not resonating with me at the moment. Twitter and endosisters always help to see you are not alone with this, that others can relate to how you're feeling. Yet right now, I still feel totally alone. Cant seem to kick it.
I've found this quite easy to write once I got started. But found it a lot harder to press the 'publish' button. Firstly, it's quite in depth to share - all my true feelings spilled out on a page. Secondly, I didn't want to post such a depressing post when I try my best to help and support others. But I guess those with endo will understand its not all good days & positivity. This is My Endo Diary after all and I've always been honest. Sometimes it just feels like endo is winning. 
#MyEndoDiary

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