Back To Reality

This week was the first week in over a year that I started to feel myself again. Dont get me wrong, I've still had down days and im sure there's more to come, but recently they've been just days or sometimes just hours, not weeks. Started back to work on monday, granted I havent done much there yet but im easing myself in. What i've been finding though is because I work 5pm - 10pm, by half past seven/eight o'clock im exhausted! Been struggling to keep my eyes open and thats not good when working in a call centre! The 'PING' noise when we get the next call through should wake me up though! Then when im home im wide awake and cant sleep! The proper work will start next week so will have to see how I go. Wish It was a job that I loved, then it would make it so much easier going to work and try to cope.. Boses have been asking me what am I going to be like next week? How will I cope? What will I do if im not well on a call? Honest answer...I can't tell you. I have absolutely no idea. Endometriosis doesn't play by any rules. It comes at anytime. It's unpredictable, a complete and utter pain! But i'll have to cross that road when I get to it.

I also started back college. I didn't stay the whole day, yes I only managed a few hours but i've started thinking in a more positive way. If i've had three really bad days in a week now im starting to think well at least i've had four ok days and vice versa. Realised that im not going to be fully recovered overnight and it's going to take time. Patience is needed with endo. Lots of it!! But I think it's good to acknowledge the good days or even the days when you feel 'not too bad'. Little steps girls will get us through. So, I'm going to set little goals for myself and once achieved maybe it'll feel like im progressing that way. All i've been doing lately is focusing on the negatives and it's not doing me any good. So first goal: night out with my girlies next Saturday! It'll be the first time i've been out with them in 2months properly, i'm going to hit the town and paint it red! Ok..maybe not red - but a deep shade of pink at least!!

Even though my stomach is still swollen (gutted it hasnt gone down yet..) I may even go and buy myself a new dress, jazz myself up a bit, get back to my old self because I don't like this version of me at the moment. The boring, staying in, unwell me. I was out nearly every weekend with my best girlies before this endo hit me big time, so enough is enough, it's not going to stop my life anymore, i'm not going to let. I know i'm going to have days when i'll be so fed up of everything, the side effects of the medication will get me down, the endo pain will hurt me..but i can't leave it ruin my life. When those days come im sure I won't be feeling this positive, i'll most probably be depressed, crying and won't be able to see a way forward. But i'll have to. I've stopped living these last few months and I want to get back to me. Back to reality.. So thats exactly what i'm going to do. Endo is not going to control me...x

#MyEndoDiary