Skip to main content

Endometriosis: The Power Of A Smile..

I love quotes. Quotes about love, quotes about friends, about family, happiness, times of sadness or celebration. Pretty much every subject. I have been collecting quotes for over four years now and have a book full of all my favourites. However, I recently came across one that really made me think.

"You only see what I choose to show.. There's so much behind this smile you just don't know.."  


It made me think how greatly this relates to us girls with endo and also applicable to many, many other things in life. It's amazing what a smile can hide. Such a little thing, yet it covers up a whole backlog of emotions. It can hide pain, lots and lots of pain. When our bodies feel like they're screaming out and the whole world can hear. It can't. For us inside it's like a constant scream, cry or sometimes when lack of energy hits, just a wim
per. But when people ask how I am, I've noticed my usual response is "Im ok thanks, getting there" or "Im fine". The word 'Fine' I once heard being described as 'Frustrated, Insecure, Neurotic, Emotional'. Yep, that pretty much sums up how I'm feeling. I want to tell people that some days I feel like I'm all over the place, some days I'm an emotional wreck, I'm fed up and I'm hurting. But most of the time I don't. I just say Im fine - with a smile. A smile also covers up your worries, your anxieties. On the outside your smile is painted on. On the inside you're stressed to the max, with a million and one questions, all running through your head at once. Worrying about the pain, the medications you need to take, your job because you've had so much time off sick, college work, relationships, the future.. The only person who can truly see through my painted smile is my mother, the amazing brilliant mother who I'd be lost without. There's no point in even trying to hide it from her because each time it'll result in "no you're not fine.." But what I've learned from that is sometimes it's ok not to be fine. Your not weak in admitting it. Your actually stronger than you think. Admitting that you need help or just someone to talk to. It works. On the other hand, the only person that can have me doubled up in laughter and always brings a smile to my face is my brilliant brother. One look from him with his big grin, one word and he'll have me smiling. Sometimes laughing so much I need to walk out of the room away from him, because i'll have tears of laughter rolling down my face, not sadness. Which is so badly needed on a down day. I'll be forever grateful.

One thing I have found on '@my_endo_diary' Twitter account is that it's amazing how honest you can be about how you're feeling, with no judgement from others, because at some point they have all felt the same. You can scream if you like, cry while typing messages, tears can fall onto your laptops, you tell the world how annoyed you're feeling. No smiles are neccesary. But when you laugh, you can laugh together, share experiences and get things off your chests. Which I have found does result in a smile in the end. Knowing that others understand exactly how you are feeling somehow makes you feel slightly less mad, and happy that you are not alone. 


You see the power of a smile works both ways. It can cover your emotions but can also bring happiness to others. One smile to others can change their day. Even if it's a stranger. If a person is having a really bad day, a stranger passes them in the street and smiles. It's contagious, you automatically smile back. One smile can totally change a person's outlook on that day, even their week. Especially with the amount of down days I know myself and others with endometriosis can get.. A little bit of warmth can go a long way, the power of a smile can do wonders...x
#MyEndoDiary

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Endometriosis: Post op

Ok, so I thought I should update you all after my operation on Tuesday.  I have a lot of mixed emotions after the laparoscopy though and I promise to fill you all in soon. I'm sure many of you have felt the same way I'm feeling now so I will post in the near future about all the details. Sharing information is the best way to know we're not alone in this. But for the moment, I'm just getting my head around things and concentrating on recovery. UPDATED: Endometriosis was found in my ovaries as expected and removed. It was also found on my bowel, but it was left untreated. #MyEndoDiary ♡

A Day In The Life Of An Endo Girl - 16/04/13

Seeing as I've named my Blog 'My Endo Diary' I've decided to start this project, 'A Day In The Life Of An Endo Girl' to portray just a snippet of a day with Endometriosis. Women with Endo are not lazy. Some, such as myself suffer daily pain. Chronic pain. Sometimes mild, sometimes exhausting, sometimes severe. Small things hurt massively. What some people take for granted doing, can take all of my energy. Even down to doing the dishes or making food. Endo is unpredictable. Tomorrow may be a better day. It may be worse. If I look or sound OK one day it doesn't mean I'm better. I'm either hiding the pain from you (I've become quite good at this), having an 'up and down day' (explained below) or on the rare chance having a good day. Every day with Endo for me, is different. However at the moment, they all contain some sort of pain. So here's my first entry. 16/04/13                   5:45am Woken up by Endo pains, stabs in my hips

The Endometriosis Effect..

I have mentioned a few times that  Endometriosis does not come alone.  (Click to see previous blog). It has an impact on all areas of our lives; our health & well being, social & emotional interactions, physical capabilities and our employment amongst others. This week my employment status has taken a direct hit. As from tomorrow, Tuesday 5th of March I will be officially unemployed. I have worked for my current company for 9 years. A few weeks ago I was called up for a meeting with the Operations Manager. I was told they were starting the process to terminate my contract due to 'job capability'. Not that I am not capable of doing my work correctly and achieving all targets set, but due to my illness and sickness from work. This week I handed in my notice as I didn't want to be fired for something, which at the moment, I can't control. I had a feeling this day would come sooner rather than later. I've had to take so many sick days and long term sick from